


Being Human

by IncendiaGlacies



Series: Waverider Domesticness [7]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: F/M, Friendship/Love, Gen, Human!Gideon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2019-11-04 14:42:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17900078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IncendiaGlacies/pseuds/IncendiaGlacies
Summary: Dealing with an AI Gideon is hard...dealing with a human Gideon is even harder as Rip learns.Unrelated oneshots surrounding the many shenanigans of human Gideon and the ever annoyed Rip.





	1. Drunk

Rip wandered into the parlour and found Gideon sitting in his chair, drinking his whiskey. In fact, perhaps she’d had a bit too much because she seemed to be a little out of it. He cleared his throat and gently took the empty glass from her hand.

“Noooo!” Gideon leaned forward trying to follow his hand but couldn’t reach.

“Oh yes, I think you’ve had enough.” Words he never thought he’d say to her. Gideon didn’t even like alcohol. “Want to tell me what’s so wrong you had to drink to forget it?”

“You’ll say no,” she muttered.

Rip frowned at her and stroked her hair. “I’m not saying no, quite the opposite. I’m asking you because I want to know what’s wrong.”

Gideon shook her head and moaned as the motion made her sick. Softly she leaned against him. “I love you,” she said sleepily, wrapping her arms around him.

“I love you too.” Rip pressed a kiss to her hair. “I have for a very long time now, you know.” Even before she turned human.

“Mmmm…we should get married.” Her eyes were closed, the words were half slurred. Rip laughed softly, sure she didn’t mean it, no matter how it made his heart lurch in happiness. “You’re laughing!” Gideon accused him, suddenly crying.

Rip’s eyes widened and he tried to calm her down. “Gideon, no, no, please stop!”

“You don’t want to marry me!” She feebly smacked his shoulder. “Why not?”

“I didn’t say that! I just-I think you’re too drunk to think properly and–”

“You won’t marry me!” Gideon slid out of his arms and onto the floor next to her purse. She started rooting around in it while tears streamed down her face. Rip sighed and got down next to her.

“Come on. You need sleep.”

“No, I need-you won’t-no, Rip, I need it!” Gideon shrieked as Rip took the purse away from her grasp. He managed to pull Gideon up to his side.

“Please don’t make this more difficult. We’ll take the purse with us, okay? But you’re going to bed. With water and an aspirin.”

“I wanna marry you,” Gideon continued to mumble as Rip tucked her into bed and gave her water. He tried his best to ignore her words. She didn’t know what she was saying, she was too out of her senses.

“Bed, come on.” Rip got in the other side and wrapped his arms around her.

“Marry me,” she asked again.

“Shhh, sleep. Ask me again when you’re sober.” If she did, he’d know it was real and say yes.

* * *

 

Rip awoke, practically pushed out of bed. “What the hell?”

“This is important and I need to ask before I lose my nerve,” Gideon started rambling.

“Gideon?” he asked blearily.

“Yes, who else would be in bed with you? Don’t ask stupid questions, Captain!”

“Shouldn’t you be hungover or something?”

“If you’re referring to the headache that currently makes me want to chop my own head off, I assure you, I’m hungover. Not the point. Point is I got drunk for courage and you said no. But I’m nothing if not persistent. So, one more time. Captain Rip Hunter, I love you more than anyone in the multiverse in all of time. Will you please do me the honour of marrying me?” Gideon kneeled on the bed next to him and presented him an open velvet box with a ring inside it.

Rip stared at it open mouthed and then at her hopeful face. “You’re absolutely certain you’re sober?”

“Extremely, unfortunately. But I’m not sure the double nausea from being hungover and the nervousness would mix well with alcohol otherwise your other decanter would be empty.”

“My other-you drank that much?!”

“Rip! Answer the question, please. Please, please marry me?”

“Yes, yes, of course I’ll marry you. That was a given,” Rip said easily. Gideon’s face lit up and Rip couldn’t help but return her smile as he pulled her into his arms for a proper kiss. She took the time to slide his ring onto his finger. “Perfect fit,” he said giving her another kiss. “Just like us. But I’m putting it into the vows that you’re not allowed to touch my alcohol.”

“As long as you never leave me, we’re never going to have that problem again.”

“Deal.”


	2. As Pretty as the Stars

“Oh my, the stars are quite beautiful tonight, aren’t they Captain Hunter?”

Rip glanced at his companion as they laid out under the night sky. He was not dealing with this again. “No, absolutely hideous. Boring really, just balls of burning gas.”

“Don’t ruin this for me. That’s not what you’re supposed to say!”

Rip sighed loudly. “Yes, Gideon. They are very beautiful.”

“And do you know what else is absolutely stunning, dare I say, drop dead gorgeous?” She nudged him playfully.

“No, what?” he asked in a bored tone.

“Me!”

“Do you have to do this every time?”

“I just want to make sure you don’t forget!”

“Very hard to do that when you’ve referred to your beauty five times in the past ten minutes. What was the last one, even Aphrodite would be jealous of your good looks?”

“She would be,” Gideon insisted childishly.

Rip rolled his eyes and lied back on the grass, closing his eyes. A second later Gideon poked him, trying to get his attention. “No, stop.” Another poke. “Quit it!” Poke. “Gideon! What is it that you want?”

“I just want you to acknowledge my physical beauty! I’ve never had this before,” she finished quietly.

Rip frowned, finally understanding where his friend was coming from. “Of course you’re beautiful, Gideon.”

“And?”

“Gorgeous?”

“And?” she pressed further.

Rip sighed inwardly. “Stunning, absolute perfection, such sheer beauty that you would make anyone, Aphrodite, Helen of Troy and all others fall to their knees in jealousy and desire.”

“And I’m as pretty as the stars.”

Rip smiled at her softly. “And your beauty is just like the stars, eternal.”


	3. Kittens and Beards

Gideon glared at Rip. How easily he sat there, lounging about with the cat perched in his lap. Blissful. Loved. Stroking its back quietly as he sipped his tea and looked at the newspaper. Anger and perhaps a little jealousy coursed through Gideon’s veins. She couldn’t stand it any longer!

“This has to stop!” Gideon demanded.

Rip looked up at her confused. “What does?”

“This!” Gideon gestured to him. “Simon gets all your love and affection.” She stared at the ginger cat in betrayal. “I see only one way out of this.”

“And what’s that?” Rip asked, amused.

Gideon handed him a razor. “You need to shave.”

“Excuse me?”

“Shave. Now.”

“Gideon, you hate it when I shave. The last time I shaved you refused to kiss me until my beard grew back,” Rip reminded her. “What does my beard have to do with  _your_  cat?” He made it very explicit when they got said cat that it was Gideon’s cat and her responsibility. Not his.

“He hasn’t come to me in three days now!” Gideon cried. “He only loves you. And your stupid beard. That’s the only reason he likes you! Sacrifices must be made. In this case, your beard.”

“I’m aware that’s the only reason he likes me.” He had tried to get the cat to go to Gideon, but the animal was very clingy, slightly possessive, and lazy if you asked Rip. Not that he could say a word against the precious feline in front of Gideon. She’d lock him out. Rip, not the cat.

“So, you need to shave.” Gideon held the razor out for him again.

“Don’t you think you’re overreacting?”

“No.” Gideon got down on her knees and tried to make eye contact with the cat. She pulled out a shoelace from her back pocket, wiggling it in front of him and cooing, trying to get his attention. She was completely ignored for her affections. “If he doesn’t start loving me again soon, I will die.”

“A tad bit dramatic-“

“I’ll die alone! Unwanted, unfulfilled, unneeded, unloved!”

Rip stared at her incredulously. “Gideon, you do know we’re married, right?”

“Yes.” Rip continued to stare at her. Gideon blinked. “I feel like you’re trying to tell me something but I don’t know what it is.” Rip sighed and shook his head at her. “So, you’ll shave?” Gideon smiled with big hopeful eyes and handed him the razor again.

“Fine. For you,” he said, taking the razor. “But I expect lots of kisses. Multiple per day.”

“Deal.” Gideon took the cat out of his lap and settled down on the floor, ignoring how the cat squirmed, trying to go back to Rip. She cooed at him. “And I’ll give you lots and lots of love and affection and kisses, my sweet!”

Rip shook his head fondly and kissed Gideon’s forehead. He was rewarded with one of her brilliant smiles. Honestly, the things he did for love. But it helped knowing that she loved him just as much. And supposedly more than the cat.


	4. Phobia

Rip woke with a start and saw Gideon sitting up next to him, the night lamp on as she read a book. A quick glance at the clock showed that it was still in the middle of the night. This was the fourth time this had happened.

“Gideon? Are you planning on going to sleep tonight?” he asked, voice still filled with sleep.

“Not really,” she responded flippantly. Finally, she registered that he was awake and looked at him guiltily. “I’m sorry, Captain. I can go read in the parlour if you’d like?”

Rip shook his head and reached out for her hand. “No. I want to know why you can’t sleep.”

“I’m scared,” she whispered. It took a moment for the words to register for Rip. Of course she would be scared. She was a former AI, she must have seen going to sleep as being turned off.

“It’s not scary, I promise. When you sleep, it’s not like being turned off, you dream and-”

“And that’s why I’m scared!” Gideon cried.

“Oh, you didn’t have dreams when you were turned off, did you?”

Gideon groaned in frustration. “This isn’t me comparing sleeping to being turned off. I already had that therapeutic discussion with Doctor Palmer.” 

Rip ignored the flare of jealousy of her choosing to reveal her insecurities with Ray rather than him. “Then what is it?” he asked softly, stroking her arm.

“The nightmares.”

“What are you having nightmares about?” He steeled himself to hear the worst. She had been there when he lost his family, and she had lost him many times already. It was no wonder those thoughts plagued her, but how could he convince her nothing was going to happen?

Gideon bit her lip. “You have to promise not to laugh.”

“I promise-”

“On Jonas’ life!”

Rip frowned at her and sat up with her. That was quite a tall order. Gideon gave him a stubborn look and didn’t back down, the only sign of nervousness in her fidgeting hands. “Okay, I promise on Jonas’ life that I won’t laugh,” he said quietly. “Now, what are your nightmares about?”

She whined lowly, looking away. “The number eight.”

Rip blinked. “I-what?”

“It plagues me!”

He knew he promised not to laugh, but did rolling his eyes count? Snarking at her ridiculousness?  Rip needed tea. “Your nightmares…are over the number eight? Like physically, or-”

“Well, all the numbers really. There’s no point to any of them other then zero and one, why can’t we use the binary system for everything? But eight! Eight is a fake number! Two zeros on top of each other masquerading around as a real number, it’s unnatural, I tell you.”

“Gideon, please go to sleep.” He turned off the light and pulled her into a sleeping position.

“I can’t. It’s not right…it doesn’t make sense-nothing does,” she said quietly.

Rip pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. “Do you think you’re making a mountain out of a molehill because maybe all of being human is overwhelming so you’re picking on one little thing?”

“No…maybe…did you talk to Doctor Palmer too?”

“No.” He gave her a small smile. “I just know you very well, my Gideon.” He kissed her temple. “It’s okay to not understand everything yet, the important thing is you’re trying. Just take it one day at a time, you’re doing marvelously. Now, if I promise to set up another therapy session with Doctor Palmer tomorrow, do you think you can manage to get some sleep.” 

“Maybe.” She closed her eyes and snuggled closer. “Eights are stupid, they don’t make sense,” she muttered under her breath.

“Turn it on its side, make it an infinity,” he murmured. “It’s forever then.”

“Okay.” She breathed deeply and relaxed in his arms. “I like forever.”

“So do I, with you.”


	5. Double Miracle

Rip sat at his chair reading his book when he heard Gideon come back on the ship. There was a squeak and a curse followed by a shush, all of which was enough to make him suspicious and join her on the bridge.

“Gideon?” He froze when he saw the misshapen lump under her shirt. Oh what had she done this time.

“Captain, hello!” she said brightly. Lovely, the title was only used now for when she was trying to butter him up.

“Why is there a bump in your shirt?” he asked tiredly.

“This? It’s nothing I’m…I’m pregnant!”

Rip blinked. “No, you’re not. We haven’t moved that far in our relationship yet, you said you wanted to wait.”

“Right, I did.” She nodded slowly. “Well, I’m having an affair.”

“No, you were not that…pregnant when you left the ship and you didn’t even use the Time Courier, all of that could not have happened in the span of an hour, Gideon. Basic biology.”

“Are you trying to give me The Talk, I assure you, I am fully equipped with all necessary knowledge.”

Rip’s eye’s bugged out and he counted back from ten, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Gideon, you can’t be pregnant!”

“It’s a miracle! Like the Virgin Mary!”

“That’s not-you’re not even religious-did it just move?!”

“The baby likes to kick…a lot?” she said, trying to press the bump down and hushing it.

“Meow!”

Rip stared at the bump and then to Gideon’s sheepish face. “Are you going to tell me that it didn’t just meow?”

“No?” she said weakly.

“Gideon, is that a cat?” he asked very, very slowly.

She paused for a long time before releasing her stomach and a kitten popped down from under her shirt. Gideon raised her arms. “A double miracle!”


	6. Bribery

Jax stared at the couple in front of him, bouncing his baby girl on his knee. “You guys do know I’m not a couples’ therapist, right? Maybe you should try one out?”

“You know I have heard they’re quite popular in this century,” Rip noted.

“Don’t change the subject,” Gideon snapped. “We don’t need therapy, Mr. Jackson. I believe I was very clear before, I simply need a new Captain. One that actually loves me.” Rip rolled his eyes at the comment and crossed his arms, leaning back in his chair. Meanwhile, Gideon leaned forward towards the toddler and started cooing, “And I believe little Miss Jackson will be an excellent replacement.”

Jax shifted back some, trying not to let Gideon’s wounded look get to him. That was how Teeny ended up with the former AI as her godmother. “Tell me again why Rip is a bad Captain?”

“Because I’m responsible,” Rip said bluntly.

“He’s a horrible Captain!” Gideon declared, leaving Rip spluttering at her words. “He’s changed! He starves me!”

“You what now?” Jax gaped at the man in front of him. The Rip he knew would never hurt Gideon!

“Oh for goodness sake, stop being so dramatic, Gideon!”

“He deprives me of food, meals.”

“For the hundredth time, you cannot have an entire chocolate cake as a meal three times a day! It’s terrible for you and you know it, otherwise you’d have let me eat that way. I’m simply returning the favour!”

“It’s not just the cake! There’s chocolate donuts for breakfast, chocolate ice cream for dessert, chocolate milkshakes, oh chocolate biscuits and hot chocolate-it has trace amounts of dairy and calcium!”

“Not a healthy meal. I allow you one slice per day.”

Gideon turned back to Jax. “Do you see his cruelty? This torturous punishment? And after all I’ve done for him over the years. Fed him, clothed him, sang him to sleep, let him keep his own stashes of sugary cereals-”

“Pushed me out the airlock, locked me in the brig, and my room, and the parlour…really just every room on the ship. Honestly, Gideon.”

“I need a new Captain. I’m sure Miss Teeny wouldn’t mind if I had chocolate three times a day.”

“Because she’s three, Gideon!” Rip complained.

“An ideal age for a time traveller, don’t you think?”

“No,” both men said at once. Gideon snapped back, a little hurt and Jax cleared his throat. “How about, you visit sometimes, let her see the ship-no time travel! And when she’s older, like twenty, you can ask her then?”

“I have to put up with him for another twenty years?”

“Gideon, we’re married. You have to put up with me for the rest of your life,” Rip reminded her.

“Just wait until I get those divorce papers!”

“You can’t-that’s not how-oh for goodness sake, here, just take it!” Rip huffed and dug through his duster pockets, pulling out a carefully wrapped chocolate bar. “One for the day, those are the rules.”

“And then another one tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. I won’t leave you yet.” Gideon kissed his cheek and greedily tore open the wrapper and began munching on the heavenly chocolate. Rip shook his head fondly and kissed her hair.

“So this is normal?” Jax asked, still not entirely certain what had transpired. “She whines and pleads and you just give in like that.”

Rip shrugged. “I’m weak, and she’s susceptible to bribes. How do you think I proposed to her?”


	7. Dancing

“I don’t understand, are you sure the map said an aberration was here because I don’t see anything out of place,” Gideon said, her eyes scanning the room.

“You saw the same thing I did,” Rip said, looking into his drink and finishing it off.

“Actually I didn’t. You stopped me before I got a good look, remember?”

“Did I? My mistake.”

Gideon turned to him at his flippant tone. “Captain-”

“We’ve been over this, call me Rip, Gideon. Please. Use my name now. We’re partners.”

She blushed and nodded. “Rip.”

“Much better. Now then, give me your hand.” He put down his drink and held out his hand for hers.

“What? Why?” She stared at it anxiously.

“Because we have to blend in and it’s not working very well when you stand at the bar and don’t even order something to drink.”

“But I don’t like drinking!”

“I know. Which is why we’re going to try dancing instead.”

“Dancing?”

“Yes, Gideon. Dancing. Come on, I’ll lead. Don’t look so scared.” He tugged on her hand slightly and led her to the dance floor. Nervously, she brought one hand to his shoulder while his went to her waist and they clasped together.

“I’ve never danced before,” she whispered.

“I know. You’re doing wonderfully though. And you can look up at my face, you know.”

Gideon blushed and met his eyes from where she had been staring at their feet, trying not to step on him. “Right, sorry, Cap-Rip.”

He smiled and pulled her closer. “Relax,” he whispered in her ear. “Just enjoy the moment.”

Slowly, she did, gliding in his arms effortlessly across the floor and laughing as he spun her out and back in. There was a happy flush in her cheeks as she returned to his arms. 

“You are very good at this, dancing and leading,” she complimented.

“Thank you, Gideon. You’re not so bad yourself.”

Gideon smiled and allowed him to dance with her for another song, then two, three…

“Rip?”

“Hmm?”

“There’s no aberration here, is there?” The flush in his neck was enough of an answer. “Thought so.”

“I just thought you might like a nice night out for once. Not another mission. Just the two of us, enjoying ourselves. You know, dinner, dancing, fun.”

Gideon hummed and leaned into him. “I enjoyed myself very much, thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Gideon.”

“But you know, if you wanted a date with me, you could have just asked.” Rip froze, scared of having been found out, but looked at the smile on her face and slowly relaxed. “I would have said yes,” she reassured him.

“I’ll have to remember that,” he murmured, resuming dancing with her. “Next time, it will be a date.”


	8. Gift

Gideon stepped carefully, completely blind to the world. “I take it back, I don’t like surprises, Captain.”

“Call me Rip, and you’re doing fine. Just a few more steps,” Rip insisted, his hands covering her eyes as he led her through the ship. “And no peeking!”

“I’m not!”

“I know how much you like to cheat and work your way around what I say.”

“Loopholes, it teaches you to be very clear and concise about what you want and how you want it.”

“Like a genie,” Rip muttered to himself before dropping his hands. “Okay, open your eyes, we’re here.” Gideon looked around in confusion.

“I’ve seen your parlour before, multiple times. Again and again-”

“It’s not the parlour, Gideon. That’s not what I wanted to show you. I-I wanted to give you this.” He held up a black velvet box nervously. “Go on, open it.”

She frowned in confusion and took the box from him, flipping the top open. “Oh, it’s beautiful, Rip,” she whispered in a hushed voice. Nestled inside the velvet cushion was a silver heart shaped locket. Rip pulled it out by the chain and opened it up to reveal a picture of him on one side and one of her on the other.

“You can change the pictures, obviously, if you wanted to. I wouldn’t expect you to-”

“I love it!” she blurted out, blushing from her outburst. “Is-is it for me?”

“Yes, if you want it.”

“I do. Will you help me put it on?”

“Turn around.”

She did and moved her hair out of the way so he could clasp it behind her neck. She touched it gently, feeling the weight of it. “What’s the occasion?” she asked curiously. She hadn’t been human long enough for this to be considered a birthday present and there were no marked holidays of gift exchanges going on.

“Because I wanted to,” Rip said with an easy shrug, turning her back around. “You said you had a necklace in your matrix, I thought this would be a nice replacement.”

“It is. I like it very much. Thank you for my present.” Her first present as a human, she had many more to come.

“Of course,” he said softly. Rip stepped forward and touched her locket and kissed her cheek. “You are my best friend, Gideon. And now you have a physical reminder of it, and me. You-you’ll be in my heart, and I’ll be in yours, now.”

She nodded and smiled, placing her hand over his.

“Always.”


	9. Chocoholic

“I think we should go to couples therapy,” Rip announced. He was met with an uninterested hum. He sighed. “I mean it’s clear here that the problem is not me but you. And chocolate.” Another hum. She wasn’t even listening to him! “Gideon!”

“What?” She startled and looked up at him somewhat sheepishly. “Were you saying something?”

Rip shook his head and pulled the chocolate cake out of her sight as she whined loudly. “You love chocolate more than you love me.”

“Now that’s just ridiculous. I’m sure you’re equally tied.”

“Does it occur to you that the last three times I’ve wanted to have a conversation with you I had to bribe you with chocolate bars?”

Gideon frowned and thought it over. “Now surely-”

“Pranking the Time Bureau, dragon at Grand Canyon, what you wanted for dinner,” Rip ticked off.

“Okay, the first one was you lecturing me over nothing. How was I supposed to know Miss Sharpe wouldn’t appreciate my presents?”

“Inflatable sex sheep!”

“I thought it would be useful.” Gideon grinned impishly. “Dragons are more interesting than you. And I had chocolate for dinner.”

“Second to dragons, thanks dear. And chocolate is not a part of a healthy balanced diet. You would never let Jonas get away with it!” Or Rip, but usually mentioning the little boy softened her up.

“Well, Jonas was a growing boy. I am not.”

“Which is why you’re so short,” he mumbled. She still heard him. And threw a dish towel at him which he narrowly avoided. “The point is that unless chocolate is involved, you barely pay attention. At this rate I might as well cover myself in chocolate just to get your attention!”

Rip watched the mischievous smile on her face widen, and how her eyes raked over his body. He found himself growing quite hot and was sure if he looked in a mirror he would be red and blushing all over.

“Gideon!”

She shrugged innocently. “What? You and chocolate. It is very much the ultimate fantasy for me.”

Rip spluttered, trying to focus on a spot on the wall. “Exactly how many of your fantasies involve me with chocolate?”

“The naked ones or non naked ones?”

“All.”

Gideon hummed and mumbled under her breath, using her fingers to silently count. “Does chocolate ice cream count?”

“Yes.” Moments passed and he watched wide-eyed as she still continued on.  “Just give me a rough estimate, no need for a real number. More or less than half of your total?”

“Oh, more. Closer to all. So far I’ve counted-”

“I changed my mind, it’s probably best if I don’t know.”

Gideon shrugged. “Besides, you don’t get to judge me. Not when I know exactly what dreams you have of me.”

Rip grew hot again. He was sure something was wrong with the central heating and cooling. It was clearly broken. “Yes, and I pleaded and begged you not to watch or mention any of them.”

“Oh, so I’m not supposed to talk about the bondage, the leather, or the threesome with Miranda?” She leaned back against his chair and smirked at him. She had no right to look that sexy when she was being so smug.

Rip groaned and hit his head against the table. “Okay. I give.”

“Good. Now, can I have my chocolate bar or not?”

“Yes, my love.” He sighed and stood up. He should have known it was a lost cause from the start. Rip pulled out her favourite chocolate bar and dropped it into her awaiting hand, kissing her hair on his way out.

“Do I get to live out one of my fantasies involving chocolate and you tonight?”

Rip paused at the door and smiled at her. “If you have a proper dinner, then yes, as dessert.”

Gideon grinned. “Excellent. If you’re good I’ll even let you live out one of yours as well.”

Rip really needed to get out of there. “Eat your chocolate. I know you love it more than me anyway.”

Gideon laughed and turned back to her snack as Rip left the room. “Not even close,” she murmured.


End file.
